Dave Knapik’s Eurovision Song Contest 2009


This cocktail needs to be sweet and trashy, with a thin veneer of pseudo-sophistication, as well as slightly embarrassing to admit to liking. Eastern Europe should dominate this drink as much as it dominates the contest, though the west should make an appearance as well, just to give the proceedings a surface appearance of fairness.

* 2 parts vodka
* 1 part Pálinka (Hungarian flavoured brandy) … maybe some other potent Eastern European spirit as a substitute (credit to Kai Hoffman)
* a dash of Angostura Bitters “to represent the dashed hopes of anyone not from east of the Danube” (credit to Jo Tacon)

Eastern Dominance
2 parts vodka
1 part slivovica (Slovakian plum brandy)
Shake with ice and serve in a martini glass

Western Ruin
1 part dry London gin, preferably Bombay Sapphire or Gordon’s
1 part French brandy
Shake with ice and serve in a martini glass

The Terry Wogan
This drink must taste bitter and bitchy but be ultimately endearing.
1 part dry London gin, preferably Bombay Sapphire or Gordon’s
1 part Jameson Irish Whiskey
a dash of Angostura Bitters
Essentially it’s a Smoky Martini with Irish whiskey instead of Scotch and a dash of bitters thrown in.

Wake Up With Wogan

Because some days you require alcohol earlier than others, this is same as The Terry Wogan, but mixed with orange juice to taste to lend it a pre-evening air of respectability. Although generally this should be made with anywhere from four to six parts orange juice, it can be made with as much or as little as you’d like. You can even make it with no orange juice. Yes, I know that would leave you with simply a Terry Wogan, but here’s the best bit: you can still call it a Wake Up With Wogan. You’re not an alcoholic, you just prefer your Wake Up With Wogan dry.

Douze Points
1 generous glass of your favourite 12 year old Scotch whisky
1 Gauloises cigarette
Smoke this classic French cigarette whilst drinking a fine glass of whisky. If you must speak whilst enjoying your twelve points, you are required to do so in English with a fake, vaguely Continental accent.
Irelande Douze Pointe
1 pint of Guinness
1 shot of Ouzo 12
Sink the shot in the Guinness and it’s 2008 with turkeys all over again!